Today, I’m starting a weird experiment. A Choose Your Own Adventure story, except done through democracy. I’ll post this first section, then you, the readers, will vote on where to go from here. I’ll write more every few days, and you’ll decide what to do with the story.
This story takes place well before the events of #iHunt. If you haven’t bought your copy, you should.
Killing monsters is like sex. When you first start doing it, it’s really terrible and you kind of wonder why you even bother. Sometimes you do something stupid, put a body part where it doesn’t belong, and you get hurt. Then once you start figuring stuff out, it becomes a lot better and it’s really only frustrated when you have to do it with people who aren’t as experienced.
Oh my god I think I just compared totally justifiable murder with sex.
Strike that. It’s nothing like sex. I mean, except in exactly the ways I just said. The point is, it takes a while to get used to it, and doing it with amateurs is always a let-down.
Oh, also, it’s awful when you can’t find a good… this is where the analogy breaks down. Right now, I can’t find good sex, and I also can’t find good monsters to hunt. It’s a hot Tuesday in August here in San Jenaro, and I can’t keep still. I need to be doing something. Or someone. I don’t know.
I’m sitting in my apartment, listening to KUGH radio. It’s a shitty evening show, playing the same few songs they can call “alternative” from the Top 40 list this week. I pull out my phone, the same way I’ve pulled it out every ten minutes for the past four hours. I open iHunt, looking for a gig. The moment I get the app open, I get a message from Ashley. We’re dating, kind of? Or seeing each other? I don’t know. It’s nothing formal. She’s fun, but busy. I’m me, but also busy. So we hang out every now and again. I switch over to my messages and chat with her for a moment, hoping she’s got something to do that’s more interesting than the nothing I’m doing right now. I’d take bowling over this.
Her: What are you doing Thursday?
Me: Nothing? What are you doing tonight?
Her: Eh. Busy. Late shift at the museum. Also tomorrow. Thursday I’m off. We should do a movie or something.
Me: Thursday’s fine.
I pull open iHunt again. Three new messages since I last visited. I completely expect three spam messages. You’d be surprised to find out how many dick-enlarging scams sneak their way onto a private app for monster hunters. Actually, if you knew much about monster hunters, you wouldn’t. A lot of them are really obsessed with their penises. It’s why I never date other monster hunters. Well, that and they tend to die young. Not that I get attached easily or anything. Just, you know, it’s stupid to set yourself up for that kind of heartbreak.
Anyway. Messages. Message 1 of 3.
Werewolf on campus. Trying to grow numbers. Must be stopped within the week. $4,000 upon confirmed kill.
Not bad. Campus? That’s easy hunting. Easy stalking. It’s the kind of place where monsters get lazy, so you can usually catch them off-guard. On the other hand, werewolves are dangerous. Not that other monsters aren’t, but werewolves are fucking relentless. You can’t run away from them—they’ll hunt you to the ends of the earth.
Message 2 of 3.
Vampire in Ava Blue. Stalking client, feeding from her, enchanting her. She must be able to do her job unimpeded and with full energy. Vampire must be dealt with. Killing optional. $3,000 if completed by the end of the weekend. $5,000 if by Friday.
That’s not a vampire who’s just stalking—he’s looking to turn her into a vampire or a blood slave. Ava Blue’s one of the richest neighborhoods in San Jenaro, and whomever this girl is, she’s worth money. Maybe she works in the movie business? It’s probably her agent taking out the contract.
Message 3 of 3.
Unknown supernatural threat in ancient history museum. Creeps around after closing. Causes damage to priceless artifacts. Must be discovered and stopped. $3,500.
Don’t know what that is. Usually museums deal with thieves. Some vampires like to do the Indiana Jones thing. Could just be a haunting or a malicious spirit. I hate exorcisms, but this could be a real easy gig. Then again, unknown means it could be a ridiculously hard gig, too.
Gotta weigh my choices.
VOTES ARE CLOSED. However, you can read on to Chapter 2 now!